How to Practice Kindness in Stressful Times

It's not often that we offer a title without any explicit Jewish content, but every once in a while, we come across a book with such strong ties to Jewish values that we can't help but get excited! The Kindness Club: Chloe on the Bright Side by Courtney Sheinmel is a perfect example, and we were proud to offer it as a May selection for our PJ Our Way readers.
 
Kindness (or chesed) is central to Jewish thought and practice; the word chesed appears in the Torah more than 190 times. Rabbi Akiva taught us to love our neighbors as we love ourselves, and in Pirkei Avot, we read that “the world is based on three things - on the Torah, on the service of God, and upon acts of loving-kindness.”
 
As families across the world are dealing with unprecedented challenges and parents and children alike are noticing their patience wear thin, kindness can feel harder to access. Fortunately, there are practices that can make kindness a daily habit, one that will help parenting feel easier--even in times of great stress.
 
Remember that kindness is a practice, not a feeling. And like anything else we practice, the more often we do it, the better we’ll get at it and the easier it will become. Even if you’re not feeling particularly patient or charitable, it’s ok to fake it ‘till you make it. 
 
Start with yourself. The more we treat ourselves with kindness, the easier it will be to share that kindness with others. It’s probably safe to assume that Rabbi Akiva wasn’t suggesting that we beat ourselves up and then turn around and do the same to our neighbors. And yet so many of us weren’t raised in a culture of self-compassion and thus have no idea how to respond to our own challenges with forgiveness, acceptance, and kindness. Each time you find that you’re judging, shaming, or blaming yourself, think about what you might say to your best friend if they were in a similar situation. Then do the same for yourself.
 
Connect with people who are kind to you. If you’re having a rough moment and can’t access kindness for yourself, seek out folks who will listen to you and respond with compassion. Listen to what they have to say, and don’t dismiss their perspective. 
 
Remember that kindness can take many forms, especially in these trying times. Maybe it’s about giving your loved ones the benefit of the doubt in a stressful moment. Kindness might be a snuggle when you can’t find the words, or a call to a friend or family member when you can. It might be about helping your child put on their clothes even when you know they can do it themselves or making your spouse a cup of coffee. And sometimes kindness is acknowledging that you need a little time to yourself, perhaps in the form of a solo walk or a little time with a good book.

Don’t worry if kindness feels hard to access. Start small and keep practicing, and it will get easier. As Rabbi Jonathan Sacks reminds us, “Small acts of kindness can change and humanize our world,” which is precisely what we all need right now.